She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
