I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Farmville is her only friend.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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