somebody snuck up and got me drunk
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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