I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
