Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
