Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
