before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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