So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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