Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
