His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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