i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
