Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
