i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
