Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
