you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
