So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
