Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
