There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
