So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
