If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
NoShamevember. You game?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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