I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
