oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
