I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my being single is dangerous.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
