Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize