I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
