he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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