i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
