Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
