I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
