what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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