Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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