He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
