What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
