I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
