I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
