First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
