Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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