if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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