her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
