WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
