y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
