Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize