dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
