Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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