i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
