In the future we'll all be gay
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
