47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
