I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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