summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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