Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
