you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
