I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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