so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
