My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
