"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
