Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Vodka?
Forever.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
