Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
