Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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