I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
