Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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