He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
