Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
