Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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