Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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