a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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