I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Drunk is not a location!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
