i think my tv is drunk
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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