Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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