you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
