i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
