ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
