Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
