theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
